Is There a Doctor in the House?
Posted on March 12, 2008
Filed Under Insurance, healthcare |
Ever get the run around trying to find a doctor? It happened to me. Here is my actual dialogue with my insurance company and two doctors offices in an attempt to get a simple appointment. At first, I was getting fumed, then I realized how pathetic it was and decided to make light of it. If I really wanted to be malicious, I could name the offices I called. It’s not slander - it all actually happened… to me.
Dr. Office #1
Me @ 9AM: Call and listen to long winded message then leave a message.
Me @ 2PM: Call back same number, then find another number and call and get some guy who sounds like he’s about 100 years old. “yeah, I called earlier and left a message and no one called me back. I’d like to make an appointment”
100 year old phone operator: Well, before we go any further, let me tell you how we bill. You have to pay up front, then we give you the forms to send to the insurance company and maybe they’ll pay the claim.
Me: You mean you are a Blue Cross provider and I still have to pay you up front?
Old Guy: Yes.
Me: And they may not pay me?
Old Guy: Yes, sometimes they don’t pay us either.
Me: Well that’s not my problem. I’ll just call the insurance company.
Old Guy: Yes, use your muscle, maybe you’ll get somewhere.
Me: (hang up) - lots of profanity…
Me: (call my wife) Hon, can I get the phone number off of the insurance card.
My Lovely Wife: Which insurance?
Me: The only one we have.
My Lovely Wife: I thought you meant the dental one, you just had dental work.
Me: Yeah, that was this morning, I am dealing with some clown who… never mind… what’s the number. Ok, Love you… see you soon.
Me: (Call insurance company). After I answer all of the voice mail jail prompts and get a guy who asks for my provider number. “I’m not a provider, I’m a member.”
Insurance guy: You’ve got the wrong number.
Me: Well then your system is screwed up, can you transfer me?
Insurance Guy: Sure.
Insurance Gal: Hi can I get your date of birth and address?
Me: I just gave your system my ID number.
Insurance Gal: Well, I need to verify who you are.
Me: ok… blah, blah, number, address, blah blah
Insurance Gal: How can I help you?
Me: I called one of your providers and they said they need payment up front and even after submitted, the claim may not be paid. What’s the deal?
Insurance Gal: Yes, the providers can establish their own policies for mental health.
Me: And you don’t have to pay the claims?
Insurance Gal: We don’t guarantee any payment of any claims until we review the paperwork.
Me: So I can pay you guys every month, go to a provider in the network, and still not have my bill paid?
Insurance Gal: We don’t guarantee any payment of any claims until we review the paperwork.
Me: Have you ever seen the movie Sicko by Michael Moore?
Insurance Gal: It’s just an opinion.
Me: Well this is sounding like a scene from the movie. You are really not helping your customers. Have a nice day.
(Go back to Blue Cross website to look for another provider)
Dr. Office #2
Me: Hi, I found you on the Blue Cross website, do you still take that insurance?
Dr.Office: It depends on what you need.
Me: I need a doctor… this is a doctors office, right?
Dr. Office: Well, we have counselors here too; the doctors aren’t taking new patients.
Me: Do the counselors prescribe medicine?
Dr. Office: No, but perhaps you can call us back in 3 to 4 weeks to see if any of the doctors have an opening.
(does she realize that really mentally ill and possibly suicidal people call psychiatrists? fortunately, I am ok)
Me: Ah.. well… I would hope to find help sooner than that. (I wanted to say, “sure I’ll call if I don’t drive in front of a bus or something in the next few days” just to see how she would react.)
Dr. Office: OK, just keep us in mind for the future.
Me: (hang up and think) What in all of creation will I keep them in mind for? Would it be:
a. I am glad I kept these folks in mind. They are the doctors listed on my insurance policy that couldn’t help me.
b. I am glad I kept these folks in mind. They are the doctors that assume mental health issues can wait “3-4 weeks”
c. I am glad I kept these folks in mind. They are the doctors that made me drop yet another “f-bomb” in a near record “f-bomb” day.
d. I should keep these folks in mind. Even if I do find a great provider, I may just want to up and leave and see if these doctors have any openings - NOT.
6PM - Still no doctor appointment. I think I will be fine.
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4 Responses to “Is There a Doctor in the House?”
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Perhaps this is all a new form of therapy, and you’ll be receiving a bill in your mail from all parties shortly.
I should be charging the readers - laughter is good medicine
Oh gosh, I know those phone calls well. I keep telling myself the only solution is to not get sick, ever, in any way. Don’t know how practical that is….
Great solution if that were possible. Next best solution, be an educated medical consumer and be aggressive. Thanks for visiting and commenting.